Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
