Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
