I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dick very happy bro
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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