I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
