glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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