ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
