If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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