Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
