i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
