What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
