Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
