he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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