Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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