I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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