Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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