suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
