Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
