Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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