in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
