hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
