...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
