you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
