yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
