I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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