ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
