I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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