i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
