have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
