is wine microwaveable?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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