I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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