This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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