he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
