We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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