oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
