After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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