I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
