Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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