Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
