Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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