i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize