that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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