haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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