He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
