Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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