Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
