Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
