I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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