Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
