I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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