Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
