Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
