Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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