I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
try to milk me bitch
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