Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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