Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
