If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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