A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
