dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
