PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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