I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
