If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
