I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
