hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
