By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
