I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
