Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
