at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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