I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
